Just open that door
Hello online community, In today’s world, most of us find ourselves here — scrolling, spending time, seeking distraction and entertainment — perhaps searching for inspiration, motivation, or the opportunity to learn something new. We all scroll until something captures our attention. I don’t know if this is entertaining enough, but for me, it’s like a door opening after years of telling myself I’m not good enough to go after my dreams. Even after listening to people I love and others tell me, “Those things just happen to one in a million,” or “That’s for the lucky ones,” or whatever, you know, the type of things we end up telling ourselves at the end. I hope this may be good enough to make you pause. If not, that’s okay. This is a door opening for me, and luckily for some of you too. God knows how much I needed other strangers to write, post, or make a video saying the right thing at the right moment, hitting me right where I needed. Maybe thanks to that, I finally got the courage to stand up in front of that scary and desperately needed door; the one I’m facing today. I just came to my senses, realizing that part of this anxiety, this constant worrying about the future and looking back to the past, paralyzing us in what we could be capable of doing today, has a lot to do, and not only, with a lack of authenticity, authenticity without shame, but with pride. What we do, who we are, and what we desire so badly need honesty — 100% brutal honesty. If not, isn’t it a lie? Isn’t it common to see everyone else doing exactly the same thing, almost in the same way? (e.g., in social media, but not only) Suddenly we are programming ourselves to behave, look, talk in a way that agrees with what others do, or what we think others would like or approve. I’m not saying is wrong to do what others are doing, of course if something works out and you see that with admiration, then there are always behaviors and ways that are ok to sort of imitate, after all isn’t that the way we learned almost everything since we used diapers? But my point is, aren’t we more driven by people that we can immediately tell that they are being themselves, being honest, speaking their way, acting with no shame? We all want to break free, break free from the strings we all put on ourselves, like there is one only way, like there is only one correct way to live life. We -have to- question what we see, what we listen, what we are told, and see if it aligns with us, if it aligns with our values. From very early on we learn to believe what we hear and we make it part of our belief system, and yes, what we believe shapes the way we behave and the future that awaits us. Let me share something with you: “My English is good enough”, I think. Until someone comes and tells me that I translated from Spanish to English in the wrong way or that my Latin American accent sounds funny when I speak. “My writing is good”, I think. Then someone comes and tells me I’ve never written a novel before, so how do I know?. “I have talent for this”, I think. Then someone tells me there are so many talented people, and what makes me think I’m one of them?. “I made the right choice to bet on myself and do something I love”. I think. Then someone comes and tells me, “What the hell were you thinking quitting that great job you had?” And to those people, let me take this out of my chest: Why do I have to care about what you think of me or what I do? At least I’m here trying. Are you?. But to be honest, you know what’s my usual answer to that?… I doubt myself, I think they are probably right, “who the hell do I think I am?”… And here is the truth, you know who dared tell me those things? The most loving and cruel person in the world — me. Some people told me something along the way, what was supposed to be an insignificant comment got printed in me. I played that record every time I wanted to try something out, and I even got creative to sabotage myself so I created more cruel things to tell me. Damn, we can be hard on ourselves. But it can change when we understand that those cruel words don’t come out of cruelty but protection and fear. And I don’t know if you ask yourself this now or not, but it’s what I would ask myself right now: HOW?, how do I shut it up?! Here’s the thing, you can’t. This is your alarm system. If there’s a risk of fire, it will tell you. It’s our survivor mode. You don’t want it off either. But here’s what you can do: ANSWER. Don’t ever stay silent and accept everything that is being told to you, not even by yourself. If you want an example, here is my answer: “Don’t you dare come take MY dream from me, and don’t even think about judging what I do and how I do it. I will love every step of my journey. Don’t you dare take the love I feel about this from me. You think I’m terrible? That’s fine. You think I won’t make it? Time will tell. You think I should do it in this or that way? I don’t care. That’s the real dream — not noticing hours have passed by because I love the process so much, betting on myself, believing in me, doing it my way. So this is my thing. I’ll do it however I want. This is my space, my time, I’m not ahead, I’m not behind, I’m where I am supposed to be. I know you want the best for me, but you are not helping me. I know you care, but this is the way you can care and protect myself at the same time — letting me try.” Now, feel free to use this or write your own answer and make sure it gets printed in you for the rest of your life. Before I say goodbye, and since I’m promoting brutal honesty… The truth about why I was so far away from the door I’m facing today (and for me that’s writing and publishing it) is that I wanted recognition. I needed people so badly to tell me I’m good at this. I craved the approval, the validation. I needed to look great, to speak perfectly, to do everything and achieve it all. I yearned for the job, the title, the admiration. I needed so desperately to only reveal something when I had it altogether, when I had achieved it. The process was embarrassing. I needed so badly to not let others down, to avoid making a joke out of myself. I felt ashamed of my decisions, of my seemingly crazy dreams. I shared this with you because I believe that reason we often find ourselves not really trying, or the reason we start but suddenly stop or don’t feel great about it, is because we are not being honest. If you do it your way, if you are brutally honest about what you want to do and how you want to do it, if you align all of it with what you care about, it will stop feeling like an effort; it will feel natural. There’s nothing to hide, nothing to pretend. There’s no right or wrong; you can’t go wrong. Genuine is never wrong; it’s admirable in the deepest way. Anyway, this is the real door, and on the other side is the authentic you. What’s so scary about it? Isn’t it exhausting on this side already? Haven’t you had enough of this? Isn’t it worth it? What’s the worst that can happen? And now, what’s the best? Why not choose the best possible outcome for an instance? Isn’t life too short for later regrets? So many years have passed for me —...
